A simplified look at my life...

Miss...America.

Okay, so maybe I won't go that far - but see, I told you I would be back. I just knew it. I just had a long meeting with my boss. It was very beneficial - as I thought I was going to go crazy with getting behind. (why should i be online if I'm falling behind?) .. but all is good, and I'm headed in the right direction.

The day is still crawling by... oh, so slowly. I have 2 hours left... more like 1hr and 45 minutes ... i just wish it would speed up a bit.

And you know what - I really wish I had some avid readers on this blog. So, maybe it's not too interesting - but it still might be nice to hear a hello, I read your blog .. message, you know?

Stacy - I love when you comment, although it's tearing me to pieces to know I can't read your blog at work. :( Sad -guess i'll have to follow up on the weekends, or at night... huh!

Quote of the day: I was going to do a QOTD, but... instead here is a joke. :)

Smile!

Today is going by slow, slow like a turtle-and I don't know why. I wasn't going to come on here and post because well, I have lots of work to do today before I leave for the holiday-especially since I won't be back here until next Wednesday. Oddly enough though, I felt I needed a little therapy and wanted to come and free my mind a bit.

So, here I am. I'm frustratingly getting so behind at work it's sickening. That's a specific reason that I wasn't going to update today, but temptation pulls you in, when you check your blog every 30 seconds to see if anyone, even though I know not many read it-has left me any comments-or I'm checking people sites on my favorites here at work, to see if they've updated. Pathetically blog addicted----->Krystle. I never thought I would be so anxious to see someone leave me a message. It's a for sure, 'Somebody is reading about me...happy thought'...If you ask me. Call me crazy, I don't mind.

I just talked to Chris-he just got home from work. That turd gets home every Friday between 10 or 11. Lucky bastard. Anyways, I'm really wishing I was home right now. I have so much at home to do right now too. Dishes need to be done, clothes need to be packed, and things need to be cleaned… but low and behold, I come home and night and plop my butt on the couch, or we go to the neighbors (a family friend.)...it doesn't leave very much time for cleaning time. 1 side of the sink is clean, the other is dirty... okay, so we do rinse off the dishes before we put them in the sick, for the sole purpose of if we don't get to the dishes right away, that they won't stink. Don't worry.

Anyways, Um, I think that's about it right now. I need to get back to work. I'm starving....but the cafeteria doesn't open up for another 15 minutes. I'll be first in line.

I'm almost guaranteeing you another post today, as – well, 1 it's Friday and 2, I'm going to need a mental break... or so I'll *think* so...

Tootles for now!
K

Haha, I have to put this on here... cause it's true.. I had a rough past couple days! It's just a good song... I have to say. :)

Artist/Band: Atkins Rodney
Lyrics for Song: If You're Going Through Hell

(Before The Devil Even Knows)

Well you know those times
When you feel like there's a sign there on your back
Say's I don't mind if ya kick me
Seems like everybody has
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do


You still walk the straight and narrow
And you don't know where you are
Use the needle of your compass
To sew up your broken heart
Ask directions from a genie
In a bottle of Jim Beam
And she lies to You
That's when you learn the truth


If you're going through hell
Keep on going, Don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there


Well I been deep down in that darkness
I been down to my last match
Felt a hundered different demons
Breathing fire down my back
And I knew that if I stumbled
I'd fall right into the trap that they were laying, Yeah


But the good news
Is there's angels everywhere out on the street
Holding out a hand to pull you back upon your feet
The one's that you been dragging for so long
You're on your knees
You might as well be free
Guess what I'm saying
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, Don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there


Yeah, If you're going through hell
Keep on moving, Face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there


If you're going through hell
Keep on going, Don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there


Yeah, If you're going through hell
eep on moving, Face that fire
Walk right through it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Yeah you might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there

Yeah.

We went to look at that red car last night... HA!! It was at a little baby tiny dealer, that couldn't have done any financing anyways, because he would have went bankrupt I think. It's probably just for the better, like you said Stacy. If my transmission goes out, then it does. It won't be the end of the world....

Now, I need to get my credit up... That's what kicked me right in the butt. I need 6 months of no late payments and they will consider me again. Which is okay - by the time, I'll have gotten a raise here at work, and now I can start paying off my bills - and credit cards, especially my Old Navy. That's what did me in... So, it's been just a learning experience, and it tells me I need to re-evaluate what I'm spending my money on.... Your credit score gets you through life, unfortunately...and with mine now, it isn't going to get me ANYWHERE!!!!

So - I'm good, and I'll enjoy my $175 car payment..... Until, I reward myself with paying off my bills, and getting ahead... :)

Love you all... I'm unwantingtobe (is that a word?) at work today, but here I am. We are leaving for up north tonight, which means endless hours in traffic on my way home and endless hours of traffic up north... Oh, well... that's the fun of 4th of July! I'm excited...and I won't be back here at work until next Wednesday. I think I'll survive. :)

Loves, Hugs, and Smiles.......
Krystle

long story - no car for me.

Stacy... I like that picture of us too, although I can tell I was retaining alot of water. AND, Chris looks really good in that picture.. I have a few that he just doesn't smile real good in them... and this one, looks nice :)

I'm getting really anxious to look at that car. My payments would be bi-weekly $129, so $268 a month - if I do a 4 year loan - and if I do a 5 year it would be $114 bi-weekly, so right around $230-$240 monthly... right now I pay $175/month. It's nice, but I'd rather pay more for a vehicle that I trust, vs. waiting for it to break down - although insurance is probably going to rape me - but, we'll see. I'm waiting for a call on that right now. Currently, I have insurance with my parents, so I get their discount and their 'adult' rates...and being I'm only 20, I'm sure mine will be quite extensive, but we'll see... :) I'm willing to do almost anything to get it, but I don't want the car to 'own me'. You know what I mean.

Work to do, be back later!! I'll chat more about Scott-Butt, next time!

:) Tootles!

I am going to test drive...

THIS

and

THIS - tonight!!

--- I'll get pre-approved for a loan today, then all I need to do, is tell them I want it. Oh, I'm excited. I had a little nervous break down last night, about the whole car issue. I just want to get rid of mine. I don't want it - and don't want to have to drive to work and worry about it. So - I'm going to trade it in I think. I called my mom upset last night, cause Chris wasn't understanding... Or, well - in all actuality he was, but he's sick of hearing about it. He told me if I want a new vehicle, I need to DO something about it - not just sit and huff and puff and wait for it to happen... cause it won't magically appear. He's right... and all I had to do was call my mom and talk to her more about it.

It's a good thing, I hope it all works out well....If not, I'll do it eventually!

Love,
K

miss


you


too


Stacy.....

I just remembered, you gave me your number last week or so, didn't you!! Maybe I should give you a call... or, you can call me sometime.... :)

Number Removed... Muahahahaha!

I think it's perfectly okay to miss someone who you haven't met or heard their voice. It's okay!

Sorry to hear about your job yesterday... Glad everything is okay though. That's frustrating, and scary. Especially when we're so dependent on a job... That's life. But, good... I hope it continues to get better.

Hugs, Hugs, and More hugs!
K

write, a really, really, really, long post right now... I feel in the chatting mood.

I will, be back.

When the stars go blue.... I love this song... Really, I do.

Here is Amazon.Com ... listen to it! Arrow down, It's number 5.



Here's a pic of Chris and I, from a few weeks ago at my cousins Grad party! Sorry it's a little blurry, but I took it with my cell phone, from the picture.... :)

really *tricky!!*... Perfect Perfect Idea... He's probably thinking right now- gee, I wish I would have got her number... How am I going to get back to her again... etc, etc, and wam bam - He will get that in the mail!

Scott-Butt + Nympho = Troubles...... Scott-Butt (-) Feelings + Nympho = Nooo Problemo......

Right???!!!

....when we post at the same time.

I feel like we're talking on the phone.... :)

Yay!!

Check em out!! <---- that's a link.

Okay, so they're plain black... and the 2nd pair I bought in the past year. I wear them like every day. I love em' and they're shiny.... kinda. Sorry, they're not more exciting.

:)

Stacy ... There is a muffin top! I'll take a pic from the front sometime... You'll understand what I'm saying... I swear.

Any super fun, big plans this weekend? Chris and I are going up north.. that's about it. We got some super big fireworks.. they're like the ones that you have at a fireworks show. They're HUGE. They had a sale, buy one, get one for 99 cents... So, we bought one for $100 and the other for 99 cents..and then a few others. Should be interesting. I told Chris he was going to kill himself when he lights those suckers off. He insists, I'm wrong.

When is your Chris supposed to be back to work? Hey, and that's good you kept your conversation to a minimum with Scott Butt. Anything helps, it really does. You notice yourself getting stronger and stronger, as time goes by... but it's when you miss them and think about them.. that you go down in the dumps. That's only normal! So, good for you!

John.. no, Jeff... I have to look... JEFF! .. hey, that would be exciting. They say, you meet someone .. make contact with them, when you least expect it. That's the fun, anticipation part of it!

Okay -this post was solely to you, which is okay... since, there is one else out there reading this thing. That's okay though...Updates for you, are worth it.

Love you!
K

As far as our 'all-out' arguments... you're right, we really do get into it! But, then - when we make up, we make up. You know? It's like we just have to get it out. It happens, oh ever few weeks. I guess, you can't have a relationship without fights. You can't get along all the time. Well, you can - but sometimes it's fun to fight - as long as it's not serious. You know what I mean.

You have plenty of people who love you. More than you think. I love you, your friends love you, and deep inside, *OTHER* people love you, whether they show it or not. You're an awesome, sweet, loving, friendly, caring gal... Stay that way. :)

---------------------------------

My night was good last night, although I couldn't get to sleep for the life of me. My car is being stupid and I think the transmission is going out. That's the whole reason why I was looking at a different car. But my dad had a pep talk with me this last weekend and said... "Krystle, think about it - that's a nice, clean, well kept, good looking car ... You have 140,000 miles on it. That's nothing these days. And, do you like your $175/month payments? Or, do you want a $250 + payment? If you have to put $1,500 in it for a new transmission, then you do. In the end, you'll be ahead."

So, Yes, my father being the smooth talker he is - helped me decide what I want to do. He said, if it goes out while your driving to work... or anywhere, I will come and get you with the car trailer. Don't call a tow truck. You just deal with it when it happens.

So, I am keeping this car. Unless, I absolutely can't take the fear of driving through rush hour traffic and waiting for something to happen... Then, I'll get a new one. Until then, I'll wait it out. It might not go out, it might.... Just have to wait and see. ..

---------- Anyways - I'm at work extra early this morning. Got here at 6:15. I had to leave yesterday at 3:00 for my doctors appointment. Speaking of which, went great. I got back on BC, and now am hoping/praying to god that I'll lose some of this 20 lbs that I magically gained as soon as I got off the pill. Last time I went on, I lost 20 lbs within oh probably a month and a half a had compliments like you wouldn't believe... and I'm craving that again. Today I actually feel pretty good about myself... but, ya know.. 20lbs lighter would be oh, so wonderful. I have so many capris and pants that I can't fit into... well, they're tight right now..I can get them buttoned - but I have the muffin top, over the button.... not comfortable!!! Here are some pictures of me that I just took this morning... One, you can kind of see my waste... how it is... I don't care who sees it... I am what I am, damnit!! And, the other is my face, of course - it's kind of blurry.... ! Notice, the bulge on my waste... I think I'm forever, stuck with that though... Unfortunately. These pants that I put on this morning - were fresh out of the dryer. That's never a good thing.

Alright, I'll be back later on... Hope you all (whoever are reading this, which if you are LEAVE a comment!!!!!!!) ... Have a wonderful day... :)

Love you, K

LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE this Song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Arrow down and click Listen to "Austin" ... Number 4.


Here are the lyrics....

I never really did go into much detail with after I got home on Friday, now did I. So, here it is - for those inquiring minds out there (if their are any!).

As noted below - the phone conversation was not good - nor was the rest of my afternoon Friday. I was nervous, and had butterflies to get home - all day. That's all I wanted - was to be home, and be able to talk. I got home, dishes were done, laundry was done, and clothes were packed. He was upstairs. We didn't speak. 15 minutes later - I finally said something to him. I wanted to wait and see how long it took, finally I couldn't handle it much longer. We got talking - I tried to explain myself about the whole "you had 4 days thing" since I couldn't because he hung up to fast. He got upset, and asked why am I even bringing that up. That subject came to a screeching hult.

We talked a bit more, and finally he said - Krystle, I hate when you say "I'm sorry", right away - then you act as though nothing is wrong. I was fine all day - until you called me. Fine. Sorry I called. I didn't want to hear that you were sorry. Approach me, and lets talk about it. You saying "I'm sorry, is like me saying - I'm thirsty." You can't expect me to just understad you're sorry - especially with how you were treating me. Then, I mistakingly piped up and said - "Well, you never appologize." Wrong thing to say. And, I knew it was - because I know he appologizes. He's always the one to want to talk about it, and get it cleared up right then in there. He stormed out of the bedroom. I turned around and silently said "Oh, shit". Then, I tried to explain what I mean't (in a hurry). In the mean time, he was un packing his clothes from our overnight bag. We were going to Wisconsin Friday night. It was silent for oh, probably 10 minutes. He started talking again and said, What do you mean? I don't appologize. I am always the one wanting to fix things - right then and there. You always seem to want to say "I'm sorry" and forget about it like nothing happened. It wouldn't be so bad if that was just what you said - but you didn't say it all the time. Say, I'm sorry when you bump into me, or say something stupid or jokingly - but when we have an all out rage - we need to talk about it. Okay, fine - I understand. I re-itterate my appologies, next time.

Silence for 5 minutes, was soon replaced with a "So, do you want me to go with you to your parents, or not? (all in which he said with a smirk on his face.) and I said - well of course I do, but you have to understand I am sorry for last night - and we need to move on. Yes, he replied. I will.

Hugs, Cuddling, and re-packing.... and we were off to Wisconsin.

Forgiveness + Wisconsin = Good Weekend. Today is going good too.

I have work to do now - and I have a doctors appt today at 3:40 - check up for last week. I have lots to do. Until then, Have a peach-terrific day!

K

Why, do I ... like Music so much? It seems like I make a *lyrics* post every few posts.

Music is therapeutic thing.

I love this song!

I'm listening to CMT Radio - love it!

Daily Horoscope - astrology.com

Heads will turn when you enter any room or cross any street. Your dazzling energy is announcing your arrival, spreading the news that you are here! You're feeling great about your role in the world right now, and you should also have a good feeling about where you are headed. The people in your life are giving you smart feedback, so follow their advice and you will stay in this powerful phase for a longer time. The future is waiting for you.


Weekly Romantic Horoscope -

Both your intuitive powers and your powerful intellect are amped up by the stars on Monday and Tuesday; if you apply them to romantic matters, there's very little that you can't detect and comprehend. Beautiful things are happening organically at this time. Your challenge midweek is to keep your ego somewhat in check. Yes, you're the center of the universe, but it's much more alluring to let others figure it out themselves than to tell them. The days from Friday through the weekend look quite delightful for lovely little gestures, romantic plans and sweet compliments -- both given and received.



It's going to be a good day... and perhapd, week.

Today is the start of diet pills, water drinking, and healthy eating... maybe a little fasting is in order this week.

I'll check back later, gators...
Love,
K

all
good
with
chris
and
i.

Yes, Stacy I completely agree with you..... It's going to be a work, in p r o g r e s s.

If it does work, awesome... if not, I know I tried....

But, things are good now and we had a nice long talk Friday night when I got home... He appologized for being a jerk on the phone, and we cleared a few other things up.

Chris always likes this song .... I guess, it tells all..... (for me too!)

Okay I forgot about the trash
I didn't trim the long hairs on my mustache
I did buy you a ring I believe it was back in '93
Alright I admit it I forgot our anniversary
But I did pick up the baby this morning at the nursery
That ain't no big thing but it's gold star for me

You get tired and disgusted with me
When I can't be just what you want me to be
I still love you and I try real hard
I swear one day you'll have a brand new car
I even asked the Lord to try to help me
He looked down from heaven and said to tell you please
Just be patient I'm a work in progress

I'm sorry I got mad waiting in the truck
It seemed like hours you getting all dressed up
Just to go to Shoney's on a Wednesday night
I read that book you gave me about Mars and Venus
I think it's sinking in but probably need to reread it
But I'm starting to see now what you've been saying is right

You get tired and disgusted with me
When I can't be just what you want me to be
I still love you and I try real hard
I swear one day you'll have a brand new car
I even asked the Lord to try to help me
He looked down from heaven and said to tell you please
Just be patient I'm a work in progress

I know you meant well when you bought me those clogs
But my heels sure get hot down by the muffler on my HOG
I'm sure they're stylish but I'll take my boots
I try to do that healthy thing like you want me to do
But that low fat, no fat's getting hard to CHEW
Now I love your cooking honey
But sometimes I need some real food

You get tired and disgusted with me
When I can't be just what you want me to be
I still love you and I try real hard
I swear one day you'll have a brand new car
I even asked the Lord to try to help me
He looked down from heaven and said to tell you please
Just be patient I'm a work in progress

Oh honey just be patient now
I'm a work in progress


Alan Jackson - knows what he's talking about.

Be back on Monday!
K

I hadn't heard from Chris for since this morning before he left for work. Usually I talk to him twice a day, and on Fridays when he gets done with work. Today is friday. 11:30 - no call from Chris. I call, no answer. 1:30 - no call from Chris. I call, he answers. Oh, it's you - I wouldn't have answer if I knew.

That conversation led to a little more of last night and he said he is sick of me acting this way, and I was that way a week ago, and then pretty much all nights before that (he was exaggerating). I explain that we have alot of emotions going on right now - but I didn't get an agreement. We were behind on our energy bill (we never rec'd bills in the mail and kinda forgot about it) and rec'd a notice in the mail. $150 had to be paid right within 4 days, or no power. The next $150 would have to be paid in two weeks. Being, I didn't have the $150 right now cause I just paid insurance - he had to pay it. This to Chris, is frustrating. I know he has alot to pay for, and I often don't see that. I see him as having "tons" more money than I do - when in reality - he has "tons" more payments/bills than I do. I admit, sometimes I took it for granted. So, he had to come up with that $150 without even thinking about it, and he has his bills too. I said I would pay the next one in two weeks. He said, but you don't understand, where I'm coming from... "You have 2 weeks to come up with that $150 ... I don't, I had 4 days." and I replied with, "Yes, and you had 4 days..." Click. He hung up. Clearly he didn't understand what I was saying. I was saying, "Yes, and you had 4 days" .. like, yes, I understand why you were mad - you only had 4 days. But, I have yet to get that across to him -because he won't answer my calls or texts.

He just sent me a text back after I sent him one saying "Alright I'll leave you alone. Call me at work, or we'll chat when I get home."... and his reply was... Leave me alone, I'm busy!

MEN
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pdlhbttk. pglhbfaffwihd. ias,imh. s.b.

love,
K

I posted a comment, in reply to your comment - under my 'i tried' post.

hugs, hugs, and more hugs,
love....you!

K

chris. officially. is. not. happy. with. me.

i have tried, beyond trying. i realize what i did last night, was not acceptable. i did my best, and appologized.

now. it's. up. to. him.

ofwaih,hbtn,tkc,twbd,oeaiiih,guodbafuotawftwtau,alunitbdfe. itnotfshs. a. phml. gb.

I was so rude and mean to Chris last night. I'm in the midst of getting a different car. I found one that is $17,000 and right now, I'm not financially set for getting a car payment that is double of what I have now, and picking up the costs of all my insurance... but last night, I seemed to think I could afford it. Chris tried telling me I couldn't... and deep inside I knew he was right, but I wouldn't let it sink in. Now, this morning - with much guilt and feel-bad-ness ... I know he is right. He is only trying to help me.

Last night was a whole bunch of mis understandings - I didn't understand what he was trying to tell me, and vice versa...... in the end, I was a complete bitch to him - he'd even try to cheer me up, make me happy, or try to help me understand what he was saying - but, did I listen? No. And now I feel really really bad, but if I appologize he gets mad - cuz then he says I act as if nothing happened..... ahh, I'm stuck. Poor guy .. he was bummin this morning. He just kept saying ...Krystle, I've been there before - keep your car, save your money or get a $10,000-$12,000 one right now - I know you'd be happy with that. Think of when you bought your car 2 years ago. It's a nice car, and you were thrilled and that was only $8,000. Now imagine what you can buy with $10-$12,000... I'm trying to help you, and you're not listening. Then we got on the subject about going back to school and I have my application filled out for a Community college - it's close to my house for generals and such this fall..and I got upset and started rambling on and he said, you don't think people are out there to help you, but they are... and I'm one of them. You're just letting yourself listen.

Anyways, long story short - I feel really really terrible for how rude I was last night. If I only would have shut my stubborn mouth and listened for once - It would have been fine. And, to top it all off - we made supper... and I didn't eat, and I felt bad for that. He bought it specifically for us to have a good supper...and I had cereal and toast later last night. I hurt him, and I feel horrible.

I sent him a text message and said..."I had a nice talk with my mom a little while ago...and I feel really bad for how I was treating you last night. You're right and she agrees with you. If I would quit being bull headed and listen....I would see you're only trying to help me. Thank you, I'm sorry .. I love you."

I hope he forgives me. I'm sorry sweetheart.

--------------

Stacy....STACY.... They blocked out MSN Spaces from our Internet list last night. I can't read your site at work... Ohhh, upsetting. Email your entries to me?! :) Okay, I know that's alot of work.... but. That would be sweet of you!

Love,
K

My first day back at work is and/or consists of:

• going fairly well
• had one minor teary eyed break down this morning, okay - maybe more like 2 or 3.
• i'm rather glad to be back, actually.
• chris is being wonderful - as always lately - i answered the phone this morning when he called on break to 'hi sweetie' and he replied with a cheerful, 'well hello there!' ... i think he liked to hear me answer like that. if he's happy, i'm happy.
• i need to call to make one final doctor appointment for early next week
• i need to call and talk to my doctor about the 5K i'm supposed to be walking this saturday
• running to the bathroom
• bleeding like a faucet and cramping like a horrible m*ther f*ck*ng (.) ... Sorry, TMI.
• and talking to people about what happened - and trying to keep a good composure. i'll make it. it just takes time.

Psst, one more thing ... my door bell rang yesterday at 3 pm, and much to much surprise, my lovely sweet aunt from Colorado, sent me flowers.... it brightened my day. i should have brought them to work... dang it!

Other than that, i'ts going good. Sorry this is a little random today - that's kind of my mood today. I'm just ...... here.

Love you, all....
K

11:50 AM - CDT

Richard Marx And Donna Lewis
At The Beginning

We were strangers
Starting out on a journey
Never dreaming what we'd have to go through
Now here we are
And I'm suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope
You were there to remind me
This is the start

Life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey

I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
At the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

We were strangers
On a crazy adventure
Never dreaming how are dreams could come true
Now here we stand
Unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
At the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

I knew there was somebody somewhere
Like me alone in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I've been waiting so long
Nothing's going to tear us apart

And life is a road and I want to going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever
Wonderful journey
I'll be there when the world stops turning
I'll be there when the storm is through
In the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

And life is a road, and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep going on
Starting out on a journey
Life is a road and I want to keep going
Love is a river I want to keep flowing
In the end I want to be standing at the beginning
With you

Hi All,

Just a quick pop in to say I'm doing okay. Just crampy and laying on the couch, and popping the Motrin every few hours or so.

I will pop in later. I need to get some breakfast, and I'm missing Price is Right.

Love to all,
K

Hi all -

Alright I'm a little better than when I was this weekend. I just had my d and c done and came out of it just fine. I was hooked up to an iv - put out, worked on, then wheeled to the recovery room. It felt just like a regular old surgery - although not as bad. Right before they wheeled me out of the room where I first went to - after I changed into the gowns, and was poked and prodded with needles and iv's .. they hooked up some medicine to relax me through the iv and chris came up, gave me a big hug and kiss and started crying... and then of course I started crying. He said he doesn't like seeing me go like that..... It made me sad, but the way I went... It was interesting, that's for sure. I'm glad it's over with.

I'm feeling good now - just a little crampy. Chris is home today, and his aunt came with this morning. She is going to cook some good nummy food for us tonight, and some chocolate chips cookies this afternoon. I told Chris - this is nice, being pampered - although, I'd rather have what I had before than, be going through this. But, at this point - I can't change anything and just have to accept god has it in his hands, and has a different plan right now.

Our families took it okay - they understood. My mom has had a miscarriage before and has had to go through this too - so she knows how I feel and whats going on. So, yeah we're doing much better today, and it helps to realize we're young, and now we can do what we had planned to do with our lives. I may get a different car, enjoy a few things, then we can get married, get into a house, and be better financially set. In the long run, it will be better. I'm not downplaying that this happened - because trust me, I'd rather be getting a belly in a few weeks, and being pregnant than going through this - but if this means it gives us more time to be 'ready' for a baby and have one and plan to have one when we feel it's right - then I'll take it.

So - thanks for listening to me ramble and my worries the past few weeks. I'm hoping they'll subside now.

Thanks again -
Love to all... :)

K

i went to the doctor yesterday to check on my problems - and we had an ultrasound, and...

...the babies heart stopped about a week and a half ago. :(

...see, i knew something was going wrong.

I have a D & C scheduled for monday morning at 7:45 am. I need to be at the hospital at 6:15.



I'll be out of work monday and tuesday - and i'll update more on probably tuesday.


much love to all...
K

My appointment has changed until tomorrow at 10:40. I get a day off work - yippee!

I'm doing a little better before, and not as worried. I've done alot of reading, and what I have - is very common. Some people spot throughout their entire pregnancy... so I shouldn't be fretting over this, but it's still good to get some reassurance! Cause if I don't - I'll drive myself crazy - I just know it.

Hope all is well with everyone else.

Hugs and Love,
K

so this morning i woke up with some light spotting - worried as can be i called my doctor and she called back within seconds - and said since we heard the heart beat almost two weeks ago that the chance of any problems (miscarriage, etc) goes down dramatically and that it probably is nothing - but that i should still go in to just reassure myself and make sure everything is alright. She said spotting is a normal thing, but still good to check out..

i have an appt at 12:50 today, although i think i might cancel until tomorrow afternoon so chris can be with.

we will see.

see yesterday i spoke too soon. im praying that everything is alright - im sure it is, but i can't help but worry.

I think I'm peaceful with myself again... Just had to get that out before, and it's normal.

I'll be A-okay :)

At last - it's Wednesday - and I can't help but worry that something is going to go wrong with this baby. I know I shouldn't worry like this - but man, it's driving me crazy.

I'm on this happiness/inspirational/lovey dovey kick... again. But, I really like this - and I think it's so true.... read on.

I'll be back later hopefully to get a real post in... :)

Happiness

We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren't old enough and we'll be more content when they are. After that, we're frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage.

We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, are able to go on a nice vacation, when we retire. he truth is, there's no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges. It's best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. One of my favorite quotes comes from Alfred D Souza. He said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, Something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my "life".

This perspective has helped me to see that there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time...and remember that time waits for no one. So, stop waiting until you finish school, until you go back to school, until you lose ten pounds, until you gain ten pounds, until you have kids, until your kids leave the house, until you start work, until you retire, until you get married, until you get divorced, until Friday night, until Sunday morning, until you get a new car or home, until your car or home is paid off, until spring, until summer, until fall, until winter, until you are off welfare, until the first or fifteenth, until your song comes on, until you've had a drink, until you've sobered up, until you die, until you are born again to decide that there is no better time than right now to be happy.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Author Unknown
Submitted by SandyS

2 Heaping cups of patience
1 Heart full of love
2 Hands full of generosity
Dash of laughter
1 Head full of understanding

Sprinkle generously with kindness
Add plenty of faith and mix well.

Spread over a period of a lifetime
And serve everyone you meet.

my only sunshine
you make me happy,
when skies are grey
you'll never know dear,
how much I love you...
please don't take,
my sunshine - away.

8 weeks and 2 days.

http://www.webmd.com/content/article/64/72363.htm#Week8

Okay, so I got this from this blog. She's a pretty cool person, to keep up with! Kudos to her!

LAYER ONE:
-- Name: Krystle
-- Birth date: November 21, 1985
-- Birthplace: Red Wing MN
-- Current Location: Medina MN
-- Eye Color: Blue
-- Hair Color: Sandy blonde - changes on occasion
-- Height: 5'10-5'11
-- Righty or Lefty: Righty
-- Zodiac Sign: Scorpio

LAYER TWO:
-- Your heritage: German, Norwegian ... Not sure what else
-- The shoes you wore today: Black slip on, business like shoes.
-- Your weakness: Chris, and making him happy.
-- Your fears: failure, losing people i love.
-- Your perfect pizza: pepperoni or just plain cheese. pepp and mushroom is good too.
-- Goal you'd like to achieve: Get married, have a family, be successful... wait, now it's changed. Have a family, Get married, be successful.

LAYER THREE:
-- Your most overused phrase on MSN or Chat? yeah, lol
-- Your first waking thoughts: 10 more minutes
-- Your best physical feature: my smile and eyes, hair sometimes too.
-- Your most missed memory: nights out with Shannon in minneapolis.

LAYER FOUR:
-- Pepsi or Coke: hmmm, water.
-- McDonald's or Burger King: McDonalds, and sometimes BK for certain things.
-- Single or group dates: single - never been on a double.
-- Adidas or Nike: depends, whatever I like best.
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: hmmm, yeah water here too.
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate!
-- Cappuccino or coffee: Caribou - Mint Condition with White Chocolate!

LAYER FIVE:
-- Smoke: nope
-- Cuss: yes, on occasion
-- Sing: not usually - if i do it's in my car, or laying in bed before sleep. chris likes when i sing along with the radio - usually country.
-- Take a shower everyday: sometimes, otherwise every other for sure.
-- Do you think you've been in love: for sure
-- Want to go to college: yes i did, but my plans have changed.
-- Liked high school: not really - didn't like the people.
-- Want to get married: of course
-- Believe in yourself: i try to
-- Get motion sickness: not really
-- Think you're attractive: I would like to think that but I don't think so all the time.
-- Think you're a health freak: nope, and i should be.
-- Get along with your parent(s): yes, very much so.
-- Like thunderstorms: Ohhh yeah!
-- Play an instrument: i used to play saxophone - not any more.

LAYER SIX:In the past month...
-- Drank alcohol: no - translation: Pregnant
-- Smoked: no
-- Done a drug: no
-- Made Out: of course
-- Gone on a date: with my love, yes.
-- Gone to the mall: no
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos?: no
-- Eaten sushi: ick
-- Been on stage: No
-- Been dumped: somewhat, but it lasted 1 day.
-- Gone skating: last winter
-- Made homemade cookies: a while ago, but made brownies a few weeks ago.
-- Gone skinny dipping: no
-- Dyed your hair: does highlight count?
-- Stolen Anything: Yeah when I was 16.

LAYER SEVEN:Ever...
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing: no thanks
-- If so, was it mixed company: n/a
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: yes, definately - highschool days.
-- Been caught "doing something": nope, tricky tricky.
-- Been called a tease: by my boy, yes.
-- Gotten beaten up: you want to be what?
-- Shoplifted: Yeah, when I was 16.

LAYER EIGHT:
-- Age you hope to be married: in a year.
-- Ages and Names of Children: one on the way, by January 20th. Names are still a question.
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: Lots of colorful daisies. Black dresses with hot pink trim. I could go on and on, so I'll stop here.
-- How do you want to die: very peacefully and at an old age.
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: a loving person, very much so.
-- What country would you most like to visit: Norway

LAYER NINE:
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: none
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: just a couple
-- Number of CDs that I own: who knows, i quit counting a long time ago. do burn't ones count?
-- Number of piercings: ears, ears, and my ears.
-- Number of tattoos: none
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: hmmm.. i don't think it has
-- Number of scars on my body: only from various cuts and scrapes
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: a few, but I try to learn from them, rather than regret.

Okay, so I was going to go to lunch with my mom... but, she ditched me. She is busy at work - I'm really not mad! :)

I guess I'll go to the cafeteria and get some food for myself, come back here and maybe give my buddy a call.

Boy am I happy it's Friday.

I really don't have anything to write about - I think I posted before about what my weeked was entitled to, so I can't really talk about that again. Umm... nothing new with baby. Hmm... Yeah I think that's about it.

Oh, I had this lump under my earlobe but it's a clogged pore. I was reading about it online, and figure I was dying. Online thing exaggerate things so much, It's sickening.

Lets see, last night...well I went for a really long, nice, calm, relaxing, peaceful walk... I left spur of the moment at 7:45 and just went. I didn't know where I was going - all I kept saying was I'm just going to keep walking. I'll go to the next corner.... then it was the next sign, then it was the next corner again, then I decided I'd go down another road ... walk about 3/4 mile down that way... and pretty soon, I had walked a long damn time! It was so nice though, I admit - I will be doing more of that. It's not only good for me, but good for baby too.

Things on the home front are going well except for some disagreements last night (which led me to go for a walk)... other than that, it's going fabulous. Chris had some good points last night... One of the thing he said was... "I can look at you right now, and know that in 48 hours - we will be just fine and pretend none of this happened." He said something else too, but I can't remember how he worded it. He was right when he said that though. It's part of a relationship - we're going to disagree, and that's that. He always usually has a good way of looking at the perspective, and thinking positive for things. I admire him for that.

That's it for now, I think I'm going to finish up a few things at work here... then off to lunch with my Momma! :)

Love and hugs,
K

Kissy, I love you.

When I burp... Does it taste like fish?

S.H.I.T.

Yes, I'm happy it's Thursday.... :)

I don't really have a whole lot to write about .... although I started a Pregnancy Journal online, and wrote a bit in there. I'll copy and past what I wrote there yesterday - so I don't have to retype the whole thing!

Here it is:

Mood: Exhausted

Good Afternoon Everyone - Well - I just had a nice long entry and it got erased on me somehow. Grrr... I hate when that happens. I'm going to start using this site (I hope the link works) now as an updating helper, and especially for the people I don't talk with on a regular basis. I will try to update every few days, and for sure weekly. Or, when and if I need to - if something changes.


As for right now - I had an ultrasound last friday June 2nd, and it went great. We were able to hear and see the heartbeat - which was a huge relief!! Also I had various bloodwork and such. I had a call this morning from the clinic letting me know that my doctor looked over my bloodwork and ultrasound info and she said everything looks great and the baby is the correct size - although they moved my due date back 2 days - to January 20th, vs. January 18th. Only two days, not a huge deal. She also informed me that I have Rh A Negative blood - long story short - this leads to Rh Disease, which is where if the mother is negative and the baby is positive, that later in the pregnancy the mother can reject the babies blood and which could lead to other problems, however if you receive a shot of Rhogam at 28 weeks, this limits your chances of any complications - and you also receive another shot of that right after you give birth, to prevent future problems for future children... They say the first pregnancy there are very rarely any problems. Phew! This scared me a little at first, but after checking online about it and researching it, it seems as though very very few women have to worry about this affecting their pregnancy. I found a good site that tells alot about it - here it is. Check it out for yourself!


Now the only strange question... How on earth can I have A Negative blood when my Mom is B Positive and My Dad is O positive...... They are both my parents, I know they are!!! haha! My dad is probably wrong with his - he'll find out tomorrow.


Alright well that's it for now - I'll probably be back in a few days, if not for sure next week. Btw, my turn around days are Fridays. So this friday July 9th, I will be 8 weeks and 1 day.


Events/Milestones: Heard baby's heartbeat;
Music/Sounds: Listening to the Radio....

-------------------------------

So that was my post ... Not much new after that. I slept really good last night - is that something interesting?!! I also, am enjoying this awesome weather out there. Dang!

Plans for this weekend.... Hmm... Going up north to visit his family, and... go fishing!! Exciting! :)

Lots of love, Be back later....
K

I kind of like this one! :)

I don't have time to write right now - I'll be back.

New Template in Order?

I think so - I'm not up with this one. I don't like that the window is so small!

Sorry I didn't update yesterday. Everything is going well - and I've been feeling well - although I get an upset stomach every once in a while, and then I just need to eat something.

It's amazing how much your body changes, and how fast it happens.

Sorry this is so short - I'm going to check out the different templates out there. :)

Hugs,
K

Hey all - It's Saturday - Sorry I didn't update yesterday!! :)

New news - we went to the doctor and had our ultrasound, I am only 7 weeks and 2 days along and we heard and seen the heart beat!! Yay, that made me so happy ... It was like everything is complete. My due date is January 18th... so that's kinda nice too. It would have been exciting to have a Christmas baby, yet I'm kinda happy I didn't just for the simple fact of it wouldn't really have a "birthday". January is after xmas, after new years ... it's just a good time!

So that's all the new news here - we're at my parents. Chris is outside washing and waxing his truck. This morning, I attempted to show Chris how to drive a manual, stick shift truck... it went okay... then we made our way to Walmart to get some carwash stuff. Oh, and we had Pizza Hut for lunch.. Mmmm. All in all it's been a good weekend. Last night was filled with visiting with neighbors ... tonight there is a grad party down the road, but we're not going ... and tomorrow is my cousins grad party, and we'll be at that - then making our way home to mn. I'll try to update tomorrow - if not, everyone have a fabulous weekend, and I'll update for sure on Monday!!

Talk to you all later.... Loves, and Hugs,

K

Wow - So I just seen a story on the news ... about a college group and the two girls were mistakenly identified and they had a funeral for the one, when in reality she was in a hospital in a coma... which now, she has waken up, and her family began to wonder if it was really they're daughter, when in fact - it was not.

Here is a link to Laura VanRyn - the one who they thought was alive, but really is dead. Also, her sister has a blog about the situation too.

Whitney Cerak is the one who they thought was dead, but is in fact living.

Type in Laura VanRyn in Google and it will bring up an amazing amount of links. This is also a good story.

If you go to the TU Website (the college they went to) It gives a bunch bunch more information, and up to date stories about the girls. Click on the different links they have, and read into it more.

I feel so bad for that family, both families in fact - I couldn't even fathom what they are both going through ... An incredible amount of Prayers to the VanRyn Family as you go through this difficult time and Many Prayers to the Cerak family, as Whitney makes her way through this.

Love to all,
Krystle

*The World*
Brad Paisley


To the teller down at the bank
You're just another checking account
To the plumber that came today
You're just another house
At the airport ticket counter
You're just another fare
At the beauty shop at the mall
Well you're just another head of hair
Well that's alright, that's ok
If you don't feel important, honey
All I've got to say is


(Chorus:)
To the world
You may be just another girl
But to me
Baby, you are the world


To the waiter at the restaurant
You're just another tip
To the guy at the ice cream shop
You're just another dip
When you can't get reservations'
Cause you don't have the clout
Or you didn't get an invitation'
Cause somebody left you out
That's alright, that's ok
When you don't feel important honey
All I've got to say is


(Chorus)


You think you're one of millions but you're one in a million to me
When you wonder if you matter, baby look into my eyes
And tell me, can't you see you're everything to me


That's alright, that's ok
When you don't feel important honey
All I've gotta say is

(Chorus)




****love love love, this song!!!****

B l o a t e d and Large

That sums up how I feel about my body... and let me tell you, it's nothing I wish on anybody!!

I feel like I could let my belly hang out to china, and let me know i'm pregnant, but I'd still feel *fat* ... I know I'm a bigger girl anyway, but come on - it's not comfortable to feel this way!

How 'bout a shirt that says ... "Really, I'm pregnant - Not just real fat" ... Sound good?

Hugs and Smiles, Be back later for more... :)

K

I just left Bobby's house:
The service was today.
Got me thinkin' about how fragile life is,
As I drove away.
You know Amy was his only love,
In a moment she was gone, long gone:
It could have been me or you.
Oh, baby, there's no time to lose.


So I'm gonna bring home a dozen roses,
An' pour us a glass of wine.
An' I'm gonna put on a little music,
An' turn down the lights.
An' I'm gonna wrap my arms around you,
An' rock you all through the night,
An' I'm gonna love you,
Like it's the last day of my life.


I drive off when the sun comes up:
I get back when it's gone down.
There's so much I wanna do with you,
But I can't be around.
Whoa, time has been just like a theif,
It's stolen too much from us,
So one it's gone we can't make it up.
So tonight, let's get back in touch.


I'm gonna bring home a dozen roses,
An' pour us a glass of wine.
An' I'm gonna put on a little music,
An' turn down the lights.
An' I'm gonna wrap my arms around you,
An' rock you all through the night,
An' I'm gonna love you,
Like it's the last day of my...


Life is a rainbow, it's a spring snow,
It's the mornin' dew.
An' I don't wanna waste another minute,
Without you.