A simplified look at my life...

Good Morning all -

Sorry I've been absent on blogging lately. All is going fairly well here - I'm glad to say that I'm finally out of my rut - or, should I say - finally, working my way out of my rut. I'm really glad I went to the doctor... I think that made a world of difference.

My weekend wasn't much. Went up north - watched Dan play football. He's doing SO good!!!

Went up north further with Chris, his dad and Dan his brother, and they went hunting while I studied. Ugh, I have a psychology exam on Wednesday and I'm NOT prepared like I want to be. I'll have lots of studying to do tonight and tomorrow. That's for sure!

TTOM is on it's way. I'm cramping up... not good!

Also, started drinking slim fast this morning. The powder/milk that you mix. I've always liked it, so I thought well why not give it a shot. So, hopefully I can make some minimal changes to start losing a few extra lbs before Christmas or my 21st birthday. yay!

Okay - time to start work.

A bad tornado went through a town about 10 miles north of where we live - the town that chris works in... and destroyed tons of home - and completely tore apart one home killing a 10 yr old girl. Say some prayers for the families in Rogers, MN. Go to here and here to view some of the damage in Rogers.

And, here to view the car fire I drove past this morning on the way to work.

Love you all,
K

I can't wait for the leaves to fall, the cool crisp breeze when you wake up.  The frost on the ground, knowing that the leaves are going to be falling soon.  Being able to walk through the cool grass, with the crunchy brown leaves... time for raking, leave piles and wearing a sweatshirt!  No leaves on the trees.  There is nothing better than a fall sweatshirt wearing day, snuggled up - or even just going out for a drive.  Fall... I can't wait. 

I'm sure Chris is just panicing, because that's what he does with things like this. I know it's a big move for him, and I'd respect his decisions. Last night before bed he was trying to explain to me why he is thinking of all this. He said he doesn't want the job to commit him to me. Because if he gets the job, we're pretty much together forever...and he said "What if something happens? and you leave me, or I leave you...or something really goes awry. I'll be left incredibly far from my family...and need to find a new job (if he decided he no longer wanted to live down here)..." and I asked him, I said... you're acting like we're going to break up, or it's going to happen...and then he god crabby. He's like "Krystle, I'm not saying we're going to break up and I have no intentions of that... I'm just thinking of all the possibilities before we jump into something like this. How would you feel if you dropped everything and moved to St. Cloud and be 2+ hrs from your family? I bet you would think about all these things too." and then he said.."And, I'd rather be engaged, or have something like that commit me to you - than a job. I can always apply there." ... and then I kind of fell asleep.

We didn't talk much about it this morning... but I thought about it alot and while we were talking last night and I think I'm content. I don't think I want him to apply again, or just yet - I don't want to pressure him, and him being pressured, pressures me too. I'm content with where we're living.. the job he has and I have, me going to school, the situation we're in and if he gets a job there, or starts trying even harder to get a job there - that's one more thing on my shoulders. I wouldn't mind if we date for another 4-5 yrs before we get engaged. I'm just content. I have that feeling of peace with where I'm at... you know? Make sense? I think I'm feeling this way because we're just starting to do our own thing. I have school, he works - sometimes works late, we don't talk day in day out, come home on the couch and watch tv for the rest of the night... I just like where we're heading. I have my own life now. It's nice. Really nice.

I sent Chris a text message after we left this morning and it read: "I just want you to know...We can stay here until you're ready... I know myself and parents are pressuring, but I respect your decisions. It's YOUR life hunny."

Anyways, enough of that... I'll put that on the back burner for now, cause that's where I want it to be.

Realization. I'm finally seeing it, and It's peeking through like it should - and I'm perfectly okay. I like this.

I need to post. It's been a long time, and I need to get some stuff out anyhow.

I've been really depressed lately... and my anxiety is ready to send me through the roof. I was talking with my mom this morning and she thinks that part of it is my birth control pill (Yasmin). I am just getting back on it again from being pregnant, and when I first started it in high school, I remember the first month or two I was depressed as hell and angry at the world. I had anxiety like you wouldn't believe - and I didn't know what or where I was going. I didn't eat... lost like 25 lbs over a course of 2/3 months... It was horrible. I'm back in that same flippin rut. It sucks. It's all I think about, I'm not happy, and every ache and pain - I'm on the net, diagnosing myself. The latest diagnoses is ALS. Come on now...what the hell is wrong with me? I need to snap out of this. To top it all off, I was put on another hormone replacement pill, which has severe side effects - Surprise Surprise, I had a reaction to them... So my doctor called in another prescription for me. I need to go pick it up. Depression, Anxiety, Leg Aches, Trouble Breathing... You name it, I've got it. It's absolutely... horrible.

As for Chris... All is good, except he called me on his first break. You know how he's been trying to get into my dad's work... and my dad is trying to get him in. Well, I know Chris doesn't want to move 2 hrs from his family - I don't blame him. But he seems to think once he gets this job, if it does - we have to move to Wisconsin. I don't think so... we don't have to and I've told him that. I think he was just crabby this morning, and I've been depressed -so him telling me these things just sends me for a loop and then that's all I'll think about for the day. I.e. Ruining It. I'm a daddy's girl, and anything to hurt my dads feelings - I'm cautious about. I can't help it, and when Chris said he might not want this job, or something... I said, "well then you have to think it over and decide, so my dad can quit trying to get you in there..." and he said.. Don't be that way, and I said... Well, That's what it is... ....*Click*. He hung up.

So, I sent him a text message to not bother calling at lunch. Argh. Men... sometimes they're wonderful... but.

I'm normally not a depressed person. I need to quit this... because now all I'm thinking about is Chris, and him being mad at me. At the same time I'm trying to be the tough one... even though I DO want to talk to him at lunch... I'm not going to give in. Am I being too rediculous?

Ugh.

Maybe I just need to be single again.

The Five Stairsteps

This is my new motto, new song to listen to when I get in my bouts of depression. Thanks to my mom, she forwarded me this song... :) Thanks momma!

She's Everything

Don't mind the video...just listen to the lyrics. Chris played this song for me last night... I love it. Love it, Love it! Cause, it's SO true.