A simplified look at my life...

I'm sure Chris is just panicing, because that's what he does with things like this. I know it's a big move for him, and I'd respect his decisions. Last night before bed he was trying to explain to me why he is thinking of all this. He said he doesn't want the job to commit him to me. Because if he gets the job, we're pretty much together forever...and he said "What if something happens? and you leave me, or I leave you...or something really goes awry. I'll be left incredibly far from my family...and need to find a new job (if he decided he no longer wanted to live down here)..." and I asked him, I said... you're acting like we're going to break up, or it's going to happen...and then he god crabby. He's like "Krystle, I'm not saying we're going to break up and I have no intentions of that... I'm just thinking of all the possibilities before we jump into something like this. How would you feel if you dropped everything and moved to St. Cloud and be 2+ hrs from your family? I bet you would think about all these things too." and then he said.."And, I'd rather be engaged, or have something like that commit me to you - than a job. I can always apply there." ... and then I kind of fell asleep.

We didn't talk much about it this morning... but I thought about it alot and while we were talking last night and I think I'm content. I don't think I want him to apply again, or just yet - I don't want to pressure him, and him being pressured, pressures me too. I'm content with where we're living.. the job he has and I have, me going to school, the situation we're in and if he gets a job there, or starts trying even harder to get a job there - that's one more thing on my shoulders. I wouldn't mind if we date for another 4-5 yrs before we get engaged. I'm just content. I have that feeling of peace with where I'm at... you know? Make sense? I think I'm feeling this way because we're just starting to do our own thing. I have school, he works - sometimes works late, we don't talk day in day out, come home on the couch and watch tv for the rest of the night... I just like where we're heading. I have my own life now. It's nice. Really nice.

I sent Chris a text message after we left this morning and it read: "I just want you to know...We can stay here until you're ready... I know myself and parents are pressuring, but I respect your decisions. It's YOUR life hunny."

Anyways, enough of that... I'll put that on the back burner for now, cause that's where I want it to be.

Realization. I'm finally seeing it, and It's peeking through like it should - and I'm perfectly okay. I like this.