A simplified look at my life...

I need to post. It's been a long time, and I need to get some stuff out anyhow.

I've been really depressed lately... and my anxiety is ready to send me through the roof. I was talking with my mom this morning and she thinks that part of it is my birth control pill (Yasmin). I am just getting back on it again from being pregnant, and when I first started it in high school, I remember the first month or two I was depressed as hell and angry at the world. I had anxiety like you wouldn't believe - and I didn't know what or where I was going. I didn't eat... lost like 25 lbs over a course of 2/3 months... It was horrible. I'm back in that same flippin rut. It sucks. It's all I think about, I'm not happy, and every ache and pain - I'm on the net, diagnosing myself. The latest diagnoses is ALS. Come on now...what the hell is wrong with me? I need to snap out of this. To top it all off, I was put on another hormone replacement pill, which has severe side effects - Surprise Surprise, I had a reaction to them... So my doctor called in another prescription for me. I need to go pick it up. Depression, Anxiety, Leg Aches, Trouble Breathing... You name it, I've got it. It's absolutely... horrible.

As for Chris... All is good, except he called me on his first break. You know how he's been trying to get into my dad's work... and my dad is trying to get him in. Well, I know Chris doesn't want to move 2 hrs from his family - I don't blame him. But he seems to think once he gets this job, if it does - we have to move to Wisconsin. I don't think so... we don't have to and I've told him that. I think he was just crabby this morning, and I've been depressed -so him telling me these things just sends me for a loop and then that's all I'll think about for the day. I.e. Ruining It. I'm a daddy's girl, and anything to hurt my dads feelings - I'm cautious about. I can't help it, and when Chris said he might not want this job, or something... I said, "well then you have to think it over and decide, so my dad can quit trying to get you in there..." and he said.. Don't be that way, and I said... Well, That's what it is... ....*Click*. He hung up.

So, I sent him a text message to not bother calling at lunch. Argh. Men... sometimes they're wonderful... but.

I'm normally not a depressed person. I need to quit this... because now all I'm thinking about is Chris, and him being mad at me. At the same time I'm trying to be the tough one... even though I DO want to talk to him at lunch... I'm not going to give in. Am I being too rediculous?

Ugh.

Maybe I just need to be single again.